I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
