Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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