i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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