I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
