There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
