i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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