sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
