K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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