Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
