You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
