I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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