I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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