Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
