I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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