i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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