It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
