Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
