I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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