I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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