all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
