stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
