OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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