when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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