She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
