it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
