All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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