She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
