On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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