fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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