YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
