I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
