What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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