the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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