She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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