You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
