how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
