and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
