And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
