I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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