worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
