She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
