brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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