i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
