sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Houston, we have a squirter
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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