bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
