So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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