He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
