Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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