I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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