Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
