I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
