Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
