So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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