My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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