You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
