I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
