So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
