I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
