This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
