If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
