There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
