ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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