She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
