i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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