I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is Oprah even human
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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