Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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