Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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