im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
