i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
