when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
