I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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