Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
