i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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