Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
