so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
