She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
