She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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