Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
