All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
