just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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